A Marriage or relationship can indeed survive infidelity! There is always hope for those partners who decide to rededicate and recommit themselves back into the marriage or relationship.
Infidelity is not necessarily a doomed destiny towards a break up or divorce. While I have witnessed countless people who have gone ahead and filed for divorce, separation, or break up; I have also witnessed a vast amount of success stories! It CAN be done, and that is where HOPE comes into play for people who truly want to salvage their relationships.
Several key behavior modifications must ensue in order for the reunion to be successful.
First of all, there must be a no-contact agreement in place for the betrayer. This means exactly as it implies: NO CONTACT with the OP (Other Person) at all. This means no phone calls, no emails, no visiting, no lunches out, no text messaging, no smoke signals, NOTHING! Zip, Ziltch, Nada! All ties to the OP must be cut off permanently.
Was the OP a mutual longtime friend or even a family relative?? If so, the same no-contact contract must be in place.
If the OP is a fellow colleague, it is best for the reconciliation of the marriage or relationship if you look elsewhere for work.
How does one cut off all ties? The easiest ways I can think of is simply sending the OP a letter or make a phone call and explain this relationship is over. Lay down the boundaries with the OP and stick to them. Better yet, is to make the phone call with your other half present, so they, too can have the benefit of witnessing that the no-contact contract is indeed in place and that the OP has a full understanding of what it implies.
Blocking the OP's phone number from the cell and home phones are essential, as well as blocking them from email accounts.
The next extremely important factor that needs to come into play is complete transparency on the betrayer's behalf. This means being accountable for all time spent outside of the home. If you are at work, make sure you are reachable at work. If you are at a friends house for the evening, make sure you are reachable there as well. I have even seen people (betrayers) who have actually offered taking snapshots of their whereabouts from their cell phones and sending them to their partner to help ease the anxiety.
Release ALL passwords to the partner (These include passwords to all email accounts, cell phones, cell phone bills, laptop, PC's, etc). In addition to this, you must be willing to show your partner all credit card, bank statements and even paystubs.
If your partner requests a keylogger to be installed into your home computer, so be it! You must do everything in your power to get back trust.
While this may sound a bit intrusive with regards to privacy issues, remember, once you have crossed the boundary into an affair, you will need to re-establish that you are trustworthy again to your hurting partner.
I can't stress enough the importance of counseling. Make sure you both find a good and competent counselor as soon as possible. When you make appointments to go, make sure you show up to the sessions. Be articulate, open and completely honest.
One thing that betrayers don't usually comprehend is that the pain is extremely hard to overcome. In all honesty, it could take years to completely trust again. You must be willing to go through the ups and the downs with the betrayed partner, because I promise you, there will be many, many setbacks and triggers.
Common triggers and setbacks happen during the anniversaries of the discovery day. If you can fully grasp the feelings of the betrayed, support them through the tough times, be willing to talk openly and listen keenly to what your partner needs to express and not gloss things over with a "Aren't you over this yet" attitude, you will have a great shot at a great reconciliation.
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