Free And Simple Ways To Catch A Cheating Spouse

Let's face it, in today's spiraling economic times, it is virtually impossible to hire a private investigator if you suspect your spouse or significant other is cheating on you; unless you are one of the fortunate ones out there with an abundant bank account.

While a private investigator is the most effective way to get solid proof, they are by far the most expensive. Costing an upward of $500 per day for clients, it can quickly add up and will hit your wallet hard. For those with very little money to exhaust, a private detective is simply not an option.

The focus on this article, is to list as many possible free and simple ways you can go about being your own private sleuth. I am a busy mom, so I will edit and add to this list as time enables me.

While snooping is a controversial subject, there are those out there who desperately want to find out the truth which is their own life. I say this because, if you are being cheated on, that is in fact, the truth of your life and you deserve to know that truth.

So, how does one go about unraveling the lies, deception and uncover the truth free, simple, and on your own? After doing a little research, I have found many potential ways to expose a cheater, and I will do my level best to communicate these to you.

SnoopBuddy-Find Out The Truth Through A Friend:

SnoopBuddy is a free to sign up website where you can join and hook up with other members in your area to partner up and dig for the truth for eachother. Once a member, you are free to conduct a search by zip code, distance, gender, age group, and availability. Once you find your Snoop Buddy you will communicate via e-mail and discuss your plans, which will be done privately between the two of you. Snoop Buddy members must follow the appropriate state and federal laws regarding snooping. A message board and chat room are also available on this site.

Using Social Networking Search Engines To Catch A Cheater:

Do you suspect your significant other belongs to social networking sites such as Myspace, Facebook, Hi5 or other sites like these that you have not been informed about? Let's face it, it is common for cheaters to have some sort of social networking site out there. Running some simple searches in the following networking search engines can very well provide you with a wealth of information.

Within The Internet Address Book, simply type in your spouse's first and last name. You can omit the city if need be.

Within Ex.Plode.us , again, run a search for the name. There is also a feature to run a search via interests. To search inividual networks, simply select the advanced search option.

Pipl , Yoname , Social Searches , and Upscoop are all also effective ways to track down accounts.

Oodle.com Can Aide In Nabbing A Cyber-Cheater:

Oodle.com is actually a great way to track down a cheater. Oodle , which is similar to Craig's list can help catch a cheating spouse/partner because it lists & pulls personals ads from hundreds of other sites; giving you the potential opportunity to track it down. Craig's list does not appear to have this capability yet.

If you know the screen name your partner goes by, you can simply run a search in the personals section. It may pull up profiles on places such as matchcity, engage.com, friendster, plenty of fish, casual kiss, connexion and more. It does not appear to pull up profiles on places such as eharmony, Mate1 or other places like that.

If you suspect that you find your spouse listed, your next obvious step would be to set up a fake account and lure him. Make sure to set up an account whereby he/she would feel extremely attracted to the person you are posing as. Once he/she takes the bait, you are now free to carry on with conversation to get to the bottom of what he/she is truly up to. Revelations will be expressed, so please make sure you are emotionally and mentally prepared for this approach.

Google Desktop-Search Your Computer free:

This is a free tool available to conduct searches on your computer. You can search through emails, websites visited, find and launch applications and files with just a few keystrokes and more.

Keep in mind, Google Desktop takes quite a long time to index files; I would highly suggest you to install it as soon as your partner leaves for work in the morning, let it index for a while, check it, then uninstall prior to your partner returning home. However, If they have wiped the hard-drive clean, then this will be useless.

Of course, if your spouse or partner is not computer savvy, and you don't think he or she would even notice the program running on the computer, you can, with caution leave it installed. I would delete the desktop icon , though. Google Desktop

How To Check Temporary Internet Files

To Catch A Cheater:

Begin with the start button at the very bottom left hand side of your screen. Put the arrow on the start button.

Now RIGHT click on the start button: It will open a small tab with a few options.

Now click on the "Explore" button. This will open another window for you with a list on the left hand side of your screen.

Find "LOCAL DISK C " Right click on Local Disk C. This will now open another small window of options.

NOW, click on "Properties"

Next click on the button that says "Disk cleanup" It may take some time to download this depending on the files and storage.

Once another new window opens, find the "temporary internet files" button and select it.

Now click on the bottom of that window which says "view tabs" This will open another new screen with files.

You can now click on each file and go through the contents of them. You might see photos, email files, etc. If a file looks suspicious, you can click on it and view it.

To get the date and time the file was created, simply right click on the file, and go down to properties and click on that.

If you want to know a day and time of a particular file, be sure to perform that FIRST before opening the file itself. If you open the file prior to looking up the date and time it was created, it will report it as the time and date you opened it.

Using Microsoft Internet Explorer

If you have Microsoft Internet Explorer, you can check files an easy way also. At the very top of the screen find and click on the "tools tab". Scroll down and click on "internet options". Now click on "settings". After that is open, you can click on the "view files" or the "view objects" buttons and look around.

Using Mozilla Firefox To Catch A Cheater

If you have Mozilla Firefox, it is easy to find passwords to sites visited. Once logged onto Mozilla Firefox, click on the tools tab at the very top of the page. Now click on OPTIONS. Next Click on the SECURITY tab. Put a check on the "Remember passwords For Sites"

Now, after a cheating spouse surfs the internet, you can simply go back to the security tab and click on the "Show Passwords" tab. It should show passwords and sites visited.

If you do not already have Mozilla Firefox installed on your PC, Please be advised that once it installs, it may "Import" history which was already deleted from the Microsoft Internet Explorer. Make sure you double check the history folder after you install it.

Catch A Cheater Using Gmail Web History

If you happen to know your significant other's gmail password, and you are suspicious about his online cheating~ you can possibly view his/her web history via using google's web history feature. It works, especially if they forget to log out of gmail and continue on with surfing the Internet. It will show all the pages viewed. Please be aware tho, that there is a feature that one can select to delete history. So, if he is savvy, then you might be out of luck with this approach. Just type in the user name and password and viola, you should be able to see some clues: Gmail Web History

Using A Voice Activated Recorder To Catch A Cheater:

You can easily borrow from a friend a voice activated recorder. I would advise you to not borrow from a mutual friend of you and your spouse, so you do not run the risk of them calling and asking for it back; especially if your spouse gets the call! If you exhaust your search with friends with no luck, you can sign up for a Freecycle account in your community and post a wanted ad for one and get one free. If you need to buy one, they are about $50 at places such as Walmart. Once you have the VAR, make sure to set it on silent! Plant it securely in the car of your spouse, somewhere where it won't be found or disturbed or fall out of place. Velcro will work very well with this. Batteries usually only last several hours, but if your spouse is up to no good, you will be able to hear things such as cell phone conversations, or even other people in the car. You can also hide the VAR in any part of the home where phone calls are likely made; and pick up the conversations from there.

Set A Trap
This is easy. Tell your partner you are going out of town for a few days to visit with family or friends. When the cat's away, the mice will play, or so they say. Simply check into a nearby hotel or stay with a friend or relative within close proximity to your home.

In the evening, drive back and park close to your home and watch what happens. If you see that your significant other's car is gone, or that a foreign car is parked in your driveway; you might have a problem of a cheating spouse. If you see your spouse getting into their car and driving off, you could simply follow him/her.

You might want to consider renting a car, so as to not be spotted. wearing a hat or some kind of disguise is also essential to not being spotted. If a friend or relative is willing, use their car in lieu of renting a car to keep the costs down. Bring a camera and take snapshots of any intimate encounters you may witness.

Going Through His/Her Cell Phone

Believe it or not, cheaters are notorious for hiding a lover's phone contact under mutual friends or family members. You may see his Sister, Mother, Father and mutual friends on his contact list and not even bat an eye over it. Here is the heads up:

Take a good look through those cell phone contacts, if you suspect you are being cheated on. Chances are your mate has the number listed somewhere.

Let's say you see his list of his "best friend". Go ahead and open that contact. You may discover that your spouse may have not only the actual number for the best friend, but have also added another (alternative) number under that contact entry which is a foreign number to you.

If you find suspicious phone numbers on the contact list, write them down. If you wish to proceed with investigating the owner of the phone number, you can do a reverse phone number look up.

If it is a published land line number, you may luck out by doing a simple Google search on the number, which should show the owner's name and possibly provide you an address as well. If the number is unpublished, then you will be out of luck with this approach.

If it is a cell phone, then you will likely have to pay a fee to get the owner's name and address, by doing a reverse cell phone look up.

However, I have found a great site which allows you to potentially find out the name (owner) of a suspicious phone number for free by going to TelephoneReport .

This is by far the best reverse phone number look up I have come across, which yields great results. Most other reverse look ups force you to pay for a name.

Once in the telephone report website, Place the number in the search box, then press search.

If you want to conduct another search after the initial search, plug in the new number in the search box and hit the "enter" button on your computer; or you can simply hit the back button.

If all else fails, the best bet to investigate, would be to get a calling card, go to a local payphone and simply dial the number. If you feel brave, come up with some cockamamie pitch to whomever answers and see what kind of information you can get.

You could also simply block your number and dial the number from your own phone by dialing *67 prior to the number; however, I strongly advise you not to do this, as the dialed number will show up on your bill. If your mate tends to evaluate the bill and sees this, he will know you are on to him.

I highly advise not asking the person on the receiving end how he/she knows your partner. You will likely be given nothing but lies anyway with this approach, not to mention a head's up call from this person to your partner would likely follow thereafter.

If you discover this person is fishy, then conducting a paid search to get the name and location of this person might be worth thinking about.

Dialing *69 is an effective way to discover whom the last inbound call was made by. If you do this, I would simply listen to who answers and what they say upon seeing the caller id on their end; then hang up.

If he/she has a cell phone only and not a land line, you will need to press the send button of the cell phone to view the number of the last call made.

Are you noticing text messages, inbound or outgoing calls always being deleted? If so, you definitely have a red flag to pay close attention to.

If cell phone activity is suspicious, you can check the cell phone records online to ascertain the patterns of the calling activity, as well as the viewing the numbers themselves.

Some cell phone companies do not list inbound numbers at all, which can be quite frustrating. A savvy cheater might very well know this and have the lover call him/her in lieu of him/her calling them.

If you see a pattern of constant calling card usage listed on the cell phone records, this is definitely a huge red flag. Again, a savvy cheater will know that calling cards will not show the actual call being placed, but the calling card 1-800 number instead.

Keep A Daily Log Of Your Spouses Car Mileage

Keep a daily log of mileage used on the car your spouse or partner uses. About a month or so of doing this should reveal a whole lot of clues and patterns. You should know the mileage it takes to and from his/her place of work. If the mileage goes way over that or way under; you might have a problem of a cheating spouse. I highly advise you to keep this log well hidden.

Free Cheater Tests

The Cheater Test Offers a free, simple and genius way to anonymously catch a cheater by using email as the trap.

All you need to do is register your email, as well as his/her email.

You have the option to send a generic message, or you can make up your own message on what to say to entice him enough to take the test.

Once you press send, you will be given a verification of the test in your email inbox.

If they take the bait and perform the test, you will receive the results of the test in your email account.

All they will receive on their end will be a short description of the survey results; nothing more; but results also go to you.

VonVan works similarly to the cheater test. If the cheater takes the bait, his/her secret crush will be revealed into your email inbox. All the while, you remain completely anonymous.

The Cheat Checker at Makehimpay.net offers you a free service to test your mate's faithfulness by telephone.

If your mate fails this test, it is audio filed on the site as proof to you.

If for some reason you can't use the text messaging service on their site, you can anonymously text message him by going to 811.com.

Plug in one of the call back numbers from the cheat checker site as the return phone number.

Text a message to him that you are an interested female and request he call back.

Cheat checker will post call backs on their message board, so you can see if he did call back . They even record hang ups.

They do not display the full phone number of calls returned, just partial numbers; with which you can indentify as his.

Use A Lint Brush To Gain Clues

As Silly as this sounds, this is actually ingenious, cheap and smart. Go to your local dollar store and purchase a lint brush (the sticky kind). With the lint brush, you now simply run it through the interior of your partner's car. This will pick up stray hairs that the naked eye may not spot. If the hairs do not belong to you, your spouse, your children and you know your partner does not carpool, you may have a lead here.

Journal Everything

As tedious as this may sound, if you have the gut feeling that you are being cheated on, I strongly recommend you to get yourself a journal. Be it a diary, spiral notebook or even a small notepad, start jotting down everything.

Everything you ask? Yes, indeed everything! It does not matter how minuscule the infraction or how exorbitant the incident. Writing and journaling will give you a time-stamped opportunity to fall back on, so you can review the patterns that will eventually unfold. Relying on mere memory will not work, which is why I highly suggest this approach.

So, he stormed off Monday night, to go take a drive to think; all over a senseless fight that he instigated and did not return for two hours. Write that down.

So, she comes home late three times this week with implausible, mind boggling excuses. Write it down.

So, he/she is moody and sullen clear out of the clear blue sky, even though you had a great day together. Write it down.

I am talking everything that gives you the feeling that something is just not right; Things that cause you to feel off, things that send red flags to you.

Make sure you keep the journal well hidden. You do not want to take the risk of your spouse finding it.

Signs & Symptoms Of A Cheating Spouse Or Partner

The signs and symptoms of a wayward spouse or partner can be either very subtle and hard to detect, or obvious and brazen.

I will list some signs and symptoms to pay close attention to ( I will also edit and add more as time enables me):

1. Your Spouse suddenly takes keen interest in new music, whereas he/she has never shown an interest in before.

2. You notice your spouse or significant other making comments about a movie, You know you did not watch together; such as "Yeah, that was awesome" or "That movie sucked big time", "Oh, I love the part when...."

3. Your man who has a disdain for doing laundry, suddenly loves doing his own laundry- with that said, he also seems to time his laundry duties soon after he arrives home.

4. The classic lipstick on the collar or other parts of his shirt. Pay attention also to unexplained glitter.

5. Another obvious red flag is the smell of another man's or woman's cologne or perfume on clothing, or hair.

6. Techniques and styles of sex suddenly become extremely different and foreign to you. I am talking way out of the norm here. You may find yourself in positions you had never done together before, or be asked to do things which was never requested of you before.

7. Sex itself can take unexpected turns regarding frequency. Your wayward spouse may suddenly request more sex than your normal routine, or drastically decline in wanting it at all.

8. Your partner's mood has changed. You notice that he/she is now easily tempered, quick to snap or may pick fights with you deliberately to justify leaving the house to "Take a drive to think".

9. You may notice that they suddenly keep their cell phones on silent and strapped to their bodies at all times; whereas before, the phone was kept on ringer and placed securely and easily within reach somewhere within a room in the home.

10. You may notice the cell phone going AWOL altogether. He/she may be locking the cell phone in the car altogether and not bringing it into the home at all.

11. Cell phone bills stop coming to the house altogether. When you look up the bill online, you see a pattern of the same number/ numbers being called.

12. You had access to the cell phone bill online, but the password suddenly has changed.

13. Household duties and chores become neglected. You notice your partner spending more time on the Internet or literally lazing around the couch with no interest with the upkeep of the house. He/ she is in a fog-like state, thinking about the other person.

14. Time spent with family also declines. Interest in weekend activities with yourself and the kids, attendance to children's sports games, time spent alone with you such as date nights, etc....become greatly diminished.

15. More and more sudden and unexplained "Business Trips" keep popping up on the agenda.

16. You notice your significant other taking a drastic new interest on his or her appearance. You may notice a vast amount of new clothing, new colognes or perfumes, new hair-cuts, new shoes, new and different underwear being purchased.

17. You also may notice a sudden diet and exercise regimen they are on. They also may have taken up a new membership at a health club to get into better shape.

18. You may notice the Internet browser history always being deleted. This is a huge red flag to pay attention to. Anyone that deletes everything from the history, has something to hide.

19. You may in fact be accused yourself for having an affair.

20. You notice your partner talks and talks and talks continuously about a member of the opposite sex. He/she may try to even camouflage this person and claim they are gay and nothing is there to worry about.

21. You notice when you come face to face with your partner's colleagues, that they become shifty and uneasy in your company, oftentimes with very little to say to you, or offer only nervous rambling.

22. Ditto that with mutual friends. If mutual friends suddenly become uneasy around you, they likely know something is up.

23. Usage of new terms of slang. If your partner suddenly takes keen to a new form of language expressions, whereas he has never said these types of words before, this is a sign and a red flag to pay attention to.

24. Mileage in the car does not match that of which he/she tells you they are driving. If you notice a sudden upward or downward spiral of mileage on the car, there is likely a problem.

25. You suddenly get a vast amount of hang up calls on your home phone; and in conjunction with this, the inbound number may be blocked from the caller's end.

26. You suddenly are left out of functions, such as work holiday parties, or award dinners; whereas prior to this, spouses or significant others were always welcome.

27. You find yourself suddenly showered with unexplained gifts or offers of spending sprees out of the norm; usually unrelated to holidays, birthdays, etc... "Just Because" gifts are nice and everything, however, if your partner is usually stingy and frugal and suddenly showers you with stunning materialistic items, it may be due to feelings of guilt. You know your partner more than anyone, so if his/her spending habits on you suddenly spike, it may be something to be aware of.

28. Your partner who was once nonchalant about your daily plans and activities, may suddenly make a point to constantly inquire about them. If your partner suddenly wishes to know your detailed plans for any given day, such as time you are leaving the home, places you are going to actually be and a time you are going to return home, he/she may be making sure the coast is clear for his/her own activities.

29. Your spouse who was once a credit card only spender with no cash on-hand, suddenly sports large sums of unaccounted for cash in his/her wallet.

30. Finding condoms in his wallet or in his car, when you have already had your tubes tied or are on the pill.

31. Finding male enhancement pills or viagra in his car or in his briefcase.

32. You notice on the cell phone bill he/she is using a calling card frequently. Using a calling card on a cell phone prevents the cell phone company from logging the actual phone number dialed.

33. You are married, yet find yourself introduced to new people by your significant other (Such as at a party or function) as his "first wife", or her "first husband".

34. Your partner, who is not normally manicured "Down There", suddenly begins to wax or shave.

35. You begin to notice the new habit that your significant other is leaving the wedding ring at home before going to work. This may be blatant and in plain sight, such as in the bathroom; or you may accidently find the ring hidden somewhere such as a cabinet. After he/she comes home, you notice they put it back on. When confronted with this issue, you likely will receive a lame excuse such as "The ring is too tight, or it impairs me at work".

36. You notice unaccounted for scratches, hickies or bruises on delicate parts of his/her body, such as the neck, breasts, chest or genital areas.

37. You notice on a group (work-related) signed greeting/holiday card that someone of the opposite sex signs their name with a doodled heart at the end or signs it with "Love".

38. You find a "Just Because" thank you card from a member of the opposite sex tucked in his/her briefcase, thanking him/ her of the "Special friendship" they have and thanking them for all the "Help or advice" they give; and that they can't imagine life without them in it.

39. Unaccounted for gift-like items show up in the home such as special cuff links, ties, colognes/perfumes, lingerie/underwear or jewelry that you know you did not give to your spouse.

40. That nagging and unsettling "Gut Feeling" that something is not right becomes constant and distracting to you. Gut feelings are rarely wrong.

41. You and your partner used to enjoy free flowing conversation, whereas now, you find yourself greeted with a mumbled hello at the end of the day, followed by stale and stagnant conversations for the rest of the evening. You notice your partner has lost interest in sharing feelings, dreams, and visions for your future together. You may find yourself literally sitting on the couch together all evening long with very little attention paid to you.

42. You may notice the passenger side of the car always readjusted, which does not fit your normal sitting pattern; or you may find strands of hair that don't belong to you or your children on the interior of the car.

43. You normally take family vacations together as a family, yet he/she suddenly takes off on one solo.

44. You get slammed with an angry outburst over the most benign and innocent of questions. You begin to walk on eggshells in bewilderment and become afraid to even approach your spouse with inquiries.

45. Your joint bank accounts suddenly have less being deposited into them, or suddenly have vast amounts of withdrawals made; without your mutual consent.

46. You run a google search with his or her name to discover a myspace or facebook account they did not tell you about. In conjunction with this, you run a google search on known screen names they have utilized in the past and discover them belonging to forums of a sexual nature.

47. Similarly, you run his/her name or email address within a social networking search engine and find him/her belonging to places you were never aware of.

48. You discover a secret Post Office box they have rented out. In conjunction with this, you may notice incoming bills, especially the credit card bills no longer showing up at the home address. Keep in mind also, he/she could also be having bills mailed directly to his or her office in lieu of the home.

49. You were once free to come and go on the home computer only to find that your spouse has set up a password sensitive security system you can no longer access. He/she may make dual accounts on the same PC, but his/her own account may suddenly become inaccessible.

50. You notice he/she has set up a remote desktop location account on the PC and is accessing another computer entirely from your home.

http://www.safehavenforwomen.com/

Can A Marriage/ Relationship Survive Infidelity?

A Marriage or relationship can indeed survive infidelity! There is always hope for those partners who decide to rededicate and recommit themselves back into the marriage or relationship.

Infidelity is not necessarily a doomed destiny towards a break up or divorce. While I have witnessed countless people who have gone ahead and filed for divorce, separation, or break up; I have also witnessed a vast amount of success stories! It CAN be done, and that is where HOPE comes into play for people who truly want to salvage their relationships.

Several key behavior modifications must ensue in order for the reunion to be successful.

First of all, there must be a no-contact agreement in place for the betrayer. This means exactly as it implies: NO CONTACT with the OP (Other Person) at all. This means no phone calls, no emails, no visiting, no lunches out, no text messaging, no smoke signals, NOTHING! Zip, Ziltch, Nada! All ties to the OP must be cut off permanently.

Was the OP a mutual longtime friend or even a family relative?? If so, the same no-contact contract must be in place.

If the OP is a fellow colleague, it is best for the reconciliation of the marriage or relationship if you look elsewhere for work.

How does one cut off all ties? The easiest ways I can think of is simply sending the OP a letter or make a phone call and explain this relationship is over. Lay down the boundaries with the OP and stick to them. Better yet, is to make the phone call with your other half present, so they, too can have the benefit of witnessing that the no-contact contract is indeed in place and that the OP has a full understanding of what it implies.

Blocking the OP's phone number from the cell and home phones are essential, as well as blocking them from email accounts.

The next extremely important factor that needs to come into play is complete transparency on the betrayer's behalf. This means being accountable for all time spent outside of the home. If you are at work, make sure you are reachable at work. If you are at a friends house for the evening, make sure you are reachable there as well. I have even seen people (betrayers) who have actually offered taking snapshots of their whereabouts from their cell phones and sending them to their partner to help ease the anxiety.

Release ALL passwords to the partner (These include passwords to all email accounts, cell phones, cell phone bills, laptop, PC's, etc). In addition to this, you must be willing to show your partner all credit card, bank statements and even paystubs.

If your partner requests a keylogger to be installed into your home computer, so be it! You must do everything in your power to get back trust.

While this may sound a bit intrusive with regards to privacy issues, remember, once you have crossed the boundary into an affair, you will need to re-establish that you are trustworthy again to your hurting partner.

I can't stress enough the importance of counseling. Make sure you both find a good and competent counselor as soon as possible. When you make appointments to go, make sure you show up to the sessions. Be articulate, open and completely honest.

One thing that betrayers don't usually comprehend is that the pain is extremely hard to overcome. In all honesty, it could take years to completely trust again. You must be willing to go through the ups and the downs with the betrayed partner, because I promise you, there will be many, many setbacks and triggers.

Common triggers and setbacks happen during the anniversaries of the discovery day. If you can fully grasp the feelings of the betrayed, support them through the tough times, be willing to talk openly and listen keenly to what your partner needs to express and not gloss things over with a "Aren't you over this yet" attitude, you will have a great shot at a great reconciliation.

http://www.safehavenforwomen.com/

Infidelity Destroys More Lives Than One Realizes

I have witnessed countless people over the course of the past eight (extremely long) years, whose lives have been literally turned upside down due to the selfish and needless act caused by the betrayal of infidelity.

I say needless, because infidelity is indeed needless. It is an avoidable and needless act anyone could ever do to another human being. The pain it causes is immeasurable. It is akin to the feeling that one would feel upon the death of a loved one. I cannot express this urgently or deeply enough. The pain is excruciating and extremely hard to overcome.

These women's, men's (and children's) lives have been forever altered upon the discovery, repercussions and the aftermath of an affair. Absolutely, marriages and relationships can indeed survive infidelity. With a lot of hard work, recommitment, dedication and complete transparency, a relationship can be salvaged. Unfortunately, there will be lingering triggers and setbacks for the betrayed for a long while.


What people who make the conscious decision to get involved in an affair (yes, this is a decision!) don't realize or forsee or plan for, is the lives that ultimately become destroyed in the aftermath; especially when the final decision is made for the dissolution of the marriage or relationship.

Women who have spent decades with a man only to discover his straying ( Who decide to ultimately leave the marriage) suffer enormously, especially if she had been a homemaker most of her adult life with no degree to fall back on. These women suffer a tremendous and drastic change in lifestyle, due to loss of assets, money and support. Whilst there may be division of assets, alimony awarded and child support in place, these women still face close, if not literal poverty-level living; often forced to seek help with the welfare system. This is not always the case, but sadly, a great number of women face this. Women oftentimes fall prey to depression, anxiety and thoughts of suicide. Self-esteem becomes greatly diminished, as well as self-image. These women wonder "Who will love me now?" Or begin to wonder if they are even worthy of love.

Men whose wives cheat on them, end up losing half their assets, likely need to pay alimony and child support and, too suffer a huge lifestyle change. A great amount of anger and frustration arises out of the injustice of this; and rightfully so. Depression is also quite common. I have witnessed men literally on the brink of suicide because of the bereft feelings they suffer after having a wife walk out on them.

Children. Children in my opinion are the hardest impacted by infidelity; especially when the marriage is not reconcilable and dissolved into divorce. Children suffer from guilt that it was somehow their fault, confusion, emotional distress, a feeling that life is unpredictable and unstable. They lose the basic feelings of trust at an early age. Grades are usually impacted due to depression. Their family unit that they knew is no longer there. One day Mommy or Daddy suddenly up and leaves and move out, leaving a vast amount of despair. Depression, anger, outbursts, changes in behavior is a sad reality.

Extended family and mutual friends also are impacted. The domino effect is amazing, powerful and strikes hard; sometimes in unexpected ways with unexpected outcomes. Trust me, the friends you once thought you could count on to be there for you, may or may not wind up really being there for you when all is out in the open. Some "friends" may irrationally fear that infidelity or divorce is contagious and will want to bow out of the friendship for a while. As irrational as that sounds, and as much as one needs friends' support, especially during a crisis with such magnitude; some simply choose to keep at bay. Some who have never experienced this kind of tragedy or pain may not even know HOW to relate to you anymore.

Extended families can and oftentimes become divided, ending up taking sides. Bitterness, scrutiny, finger-pointing and blame sets in.

Infidelity affects EVERYONE in your circle of life.

One thing that strikes me with huge impact, is the betrayed tend to search fretfully within themselves for the blame. I want to be very, very clear on one important aspect of infidelity- None of this is the victim's fault. So, please, do not accept blame on yourself if you are a victim.

There is not a single justifiable excuse that a betrayer can use that would justify the act of Infidelity. Oh, believe me, they will use every excuse in the book to justify it; which in turn causes even deeper pain for the betrayed if they accept the excuses.

Infidelity is NOT about the betrayed one (It is not about you). Infidelity is all about the betrayer. Please remember that. YOU are not the problem, the cause, or the justification for it. Full responsibility lays in the hand of the betrayer.

With this blog, It is my pure intent to help women and men who are experiencing the nightmare caused by the selfish act of infidelity.

Whether you suspect your spouse or partner is involved in an affair and need help finding out; all the way down to healing- I will do my level best to communicate these things to you. I am not a counselor nor an expert by any means. I am just a woman with one small voice and a victim myself. I have created a website also with the hope of reaching out and helping people. You can view it here at: http://www.safehavenforwomen.com/ Both Women and Men are welcome.

The first thing that I suggest to anyone who is facing infidelity is to seek some form of counseling right away. I cannot stress the importance of this enough. The sooner you get in, the better. If you are experiencing depression and anxiety, which is very normal during a time like this, it is O.K. to consider taking some short-term antidepressants in conjunction with anti-anxiety medication. Going on meds is not a stigma; nor is it something one should feel shameful about. Sometimes, it simply becomes necessary, and that is OK.

Make sure you take good care of yourself, too. Make sure you eat a healthy diet (if you have no appetite, I strongly suggest you to at least invest in some nutritional shakes such as Ensure to keep yourself nourished), exercise well (Believe me, exercise is one of the highest stress-relievers you can do for yourself) and try to get adequate sleep.